


Yuanfen

by minamorsart



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Star Wars - Freeform, wars in the stars, y'all i can't get enough of reylo, ya know how it goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-02-23 16:08:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13193676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minamorsart/pseuds/minamorsart
Summary: Yuanfen - the force that brings us together. Three months after the escape from the planet Crait, both the Resistance and the First Order work to accomplish what they think is right. Meanwhile, Rey and Ben Solo are still drawn to each other through their bond. Rey still has hope for him to turn back to the light, and Ben wants to be with her.





	1. Chapter 1

Having a Force bond still wasn't easy for Rey. Even after three months, she thought she'd be used to this connection, but she wasn't.

Her heart still ached whenever Ben Solo came across her mind, and he was always on her mind, whether it was a passing thought or an actual face-to-face confrontation created by the Force. Why this great energy was doing what it was with her and this man, she didn't exactly know.

But maybe she had an idea. Or a hope, better to put it that that way. She'd be lying if the only reason why she thought about Ben―or Kylo Ren―was because she wanted to bring him back to the light. They had almost become allies and fought together, yes, but there was also an energy. Not the energy of the Force, but an energy she didn't recognize...

When they saw each other again through the bond, she was sitting with her friends at dinner around a small fire. Kylo Ren was seated next to her, and for a moment, he didn't look out of place. If he hadn't said anything at all, Rey would have thought he was actually there, listening as she did to her friends' conversation.

"What are you doing?" he asked. Most likely the question didn't come from curiosity, but rather out of shock to see her smiling and so happy.

Rey turned away from her friends and looked at her hands in her lap. Suddenly, she felt ashamed that she imagined him there, as Ben Solo, a part of the Resistance. He sensed what she was thinking, sighed, and stood to leave. Leave where?

"Wait!" Rey called out. Finn, Rose, and Poe looked at her in confusion.

"Huh?" came Finn's reaction.

"It's nothing," Rey replied, faking a smile. "I'm not that hungry, actually. I'll see you guys later." She left her seat and walked away into the darkness of the forest. She felt Kylo Ren walking a few feet behind her. Before completely disappearing into the trees, she looked back at her friends. Their expressions were now serious, their heads huddled together. Tentatively, she reached out to see their thoughts. Then her eyes caught Ben's.

"Your friends," he said quietly, reading her thoughts. "They're worried about you." Rey pursed her lips, turned on her heel and kept walking.

"Wait," she heard him call. "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere to be alone," she answered quietly. When she could no longer hear voices or see the lights from the camp, she stopped and looked at him. For a moment, the two of them didn't say a word.

"We can't ignore each other, can we?" Ben asked.

"No," she said with a shake of her head. They were silent again.

"Where are you?" came his second question.

Rey's brow furrowed. "I can't tell you that."

"Ah," Ben scoffed, though he sounded slightly insulted. "You think I will take advantage of you and attack whatever planet you and your rebels are on."

"I know you will," Rey answered automatically, then sighed and closed her eyes. This wasn't what she had wanted to talk about. "You can still come back."

"Do you really believe that?" His voice was gentle and soft, but the meaning behind the words held enmity. She sensed he was still hurt and angry that she didn't leave with him. "You have doubt, don't deny it."

"I have doubt," Rey admitted. "Because you still believe you are Kylo Ren, not Ben Solo."

"Ben Solo is dead."

"Not to me, he isn't," Rey stepped closer to him. "You still have time, you still have a choice." He backed away from her and bowed his head.

"Ben―"

"You can't save me, Rey. Not even I can."

"It doesn't matter whether I can save you or not," she insisted. She let out a shaky breath and touched his arm. He looked at her. Surprised, his mouth was slightly open and in his eyes were the beginning of tears. "Because _you can_."

All Ben could do was stare at her hand on his arm.

"Look at me," Rey said. She took his arms and gently turned him so that he faced her all the way. "I want you to really look at me." He did and he swallowed.

"I see what's in your mind," he said. If possible, his voice had become even softer.

Rey felt afraid, but not of his power. She felt afraid because she was letting him in, and that meant he could see her feelings, could see that she was still desperately holding onto what little trust they had between them.

In turn, she looked into his mind, and was scared, but comforted as well, to see that his feelings were the same. The cautiousness and eagerness to explore this energy, that only the two of them had, were equal on both sides.

"Do you understand?" she asked, hands still on his arms. He slowly nodded.

"I understand now," he told her, frantically searching her eyes. "What you mean to me... Rey, I can't―" he glanced down before meeting her eyes again. "I can't stop thinking about you."

Before Rey could react, he disappeared. The timing was fine, anyway; she wouldn't have known what to say.

 

His last words kept her up that night. When she finally fell into a restless sleep, she woke up the next morning, mind still trying to grasp at what he said. Finn, concerned about his dear friend, asked her if she was okay. She could only lie and tell him what he wanted to hear. She loved her friends, but they couldn't understand, even as much as she would like them to.

She saw him later that day in an unusual situation. She walked into her tent that afternoon to see him asleep on her cot. She froze, and was going to leave again, but then she saw his face. It wasn't a peaceful sleep. His face wasn't at ease, he was sweating, and he looked like he was in pain.

"No," he muttered, startling her. "Please, no..." What surprised her most was when she saw tears leak out the corners of his tightly shut eyes. "No..."

She didn't want to see him like this, she couldn't. She sat on the edge of her cot. Her eyes automatically went to his scar - the scar that she gave him.

Before she could change her mind, she slowly reached out a shaky hand and gently placed it on his right cheek. He jolted awake, which she expected. He breathed heavily and said, "What are you―" He swallowed. "What are you doing here?"

She couldn't help but smile at that. "I really have no choice, do I? Besides, you're in my cot."

"I am not―" but then he sighed and became quiet, just looking at her, her hand still on his cheek. Again she looked at his scar, her eyes tracing the crooked line that started from his eyebrow and ended to his neck, as far as she could see at this moment. She was then reminded of when she saw him shirtless and she blushed.

"Are you alright?" she asked, remembering his tortured face. At this question, he averted her gaze. "Was it Snoke?"

"Snoke is gone," he said weakly, still not looking at her. "But he still haunts me in my dreams."

"It is only a nightmare," she tried to reassure him, and that was the truth. She realized she was stroking his cheekbone with her thumb and stopped.

"I dreamed of when he first found me," he continued. "And then when he tortured me, and when..." he released a shaky breath. "He tortured you."

Rey was at a loss for words.

"He tortured you," he repeated, shaking his head. "He tortured you."

"And what about you?"

"What about me?" He still wouldn't look at her.

"Don't let Snoke make you think you are unimportant," Rey pleaded. "He's not here, he's gone now. And you _are_ important." She gathered her courage and added, "You're important to me."

Finally, he met her gaze. There were tears in his eyes.

She touched the scar above his eyebrow. He watched her; his eyes held such deep emotion that she almost looked away. Her thumb then ran down the rest of the scar on his cheek. She tried to keep her touch as light as possible. She didn't know if it had fully healed, but she didn't want to hurt him.

"I'm sorry," she wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out, her fingers lingering on his jaw.

Ben put his hand on hers and they gazed at each other. They let each other in through the Force and could see each other's thoughts. Rey saw his feelings for her, just as he could see her feelings for him. He cared for her, deeply. So deeply that it scared her, but she wouldn't run away, because she cared for him, too.

She took his face in both hands and he looked at her with a little fear of what was to come next. She leaned over him, her head right above his. Then she kissed him. It was chaste, light, and only lasted about five seconds, but it sent her mind reeling. Her whole body felt like she was floating.

When she lifted her head to look at him, she smiled a little at his red face. His lips parted and he took a deep breath.

The Force must have decided that was all that needed to happen, for Ben disappeared again, leaving Rey alone, sitting on an empty cot. She lay down on her side and wished he was still with her. She could have sworn she felt his fading warmth from the blankets.


	2. Chapter 2

Ben Solo woke up a few hours later, his mouth still tingling. He wondered if he and Rey were on planets where the suns rose and fell at different times. That would explain why she looked wide awake.

Rey...

He put his fingers on his lips. He had not expected her to do that, but... "I'm glad she did," he thought, blushing deeply.

Ever since Crait, he realized that he was in love with her. He had had a small feeling on Snoke's ship when they fought together, and finally when he pleaded with her to join him.

Putting the result aside...

After that, he was sure he had made a mistake with her, and that it was time to embrace his new position as Supreme Leader. But then he confronted Skywalker. The old man toyed with him, allowing the rebels to escape. He saw Rey for what he thought would be the last time, looking down at him as he knelt to the ground, an illusion of his father's dice in his hands and tears in his eyes.

She rejected him, but he wouldn't―couldn't hate her for it. At this point, there as nothing she could do to make him stop loving her. Ever.

Ben probably would have spent the rest of the day in bed if an annoyingly recognizable voice hadn't addressed him.

"Supreme Leader," a small, blue hologram of Hux appeared in the corner of his room. "You are _desperately_ needed on the bridge." His voice held such heavy sarcasm, Ben could have picked it up and thrown it at the rabid cur. He threw his sheets off in frustration and dressed.

"We have been picking up signals from the rebels," General Hux announced as Ben entered the bridge. "Their message for help has been broadcasting ever since their escape from the planet Crait, scattering throughout the Outer Rim." He nodded to one of the officers, who pulled up a map full of stars and planets, illustrating where the signal was recieved.

"Without my permission?" Ben asked, apalled. The audacity that this man had...

Hux only sneered. "With all due respect, _Supreme Leader_ , we have recieved no specific orders from you on our next step in achieving our goal to crush the rebels once and for all."

"I _did_ give you orders," Ben retorted.

"If I remember correctly, all you said was, 'find them.' Very vague indeed..." Hux glared at him, Ben glaring right back. The general was trying to challenge him! The other officers on the bridge looked back and forth between them. Ben felt his eye twitch and Hux gave an evil grin.

Young Solo had no idea how to be Supreme Leader, had no idea how to rule the galaxy, and Hux knew it. Ben could just crush him right now and be rid of him forever. However, that would only cause trouble within the First Order. It could lead to a mutiny. Even if Ben hated him with every fiber in his being, General Hux was respected by the others.

Not to mention the fact that it was because of Ben's rash behavior on Crait that allowed the rebels to get away. He could hear quiet conversations, comments about the new Supreme Leader's inability to lead them. He needed to stop making decisions based on his emotions, he knew that. But such a thing is easier said than done, for he had been this way for as long as he could remember. It was one of his greatest weaknesses, along with a certain young girl...

Ben looked away from the weasel. This stare-down was pointless. "Proceed," he said quietly, walking away. He could sense Hux's triumph, his small victory. Kylo Ren's time as ruler of the First Order was running out; he could feel it.

 

He needed to vent his frustration, get the anger out, at least for a while. He walked into a room with screens and controls where two Stormtroopers were, talking to each other casually. As soon as they saw him, they stood to attention.

"Leave," Ben said gruffly and they immediately obeyed. He slammed the door closed and ignited his lightsaber. This was more like it. The roar of the weapon filled him with energy. This room probably wasn't too important, right? He lifted the lightsaber to strike at an irritatingly bright screen and―

"Ben?"

He whipped around and saw her―Rey. Her brow was furrowed, but not in fear, more in concern. He lowered the lightsaber and deactivated it. He didn't want her to witness one of his tantrums. Her eyes were gentle, but no more less concerned.

Ashamed, he turned his back to her. He heard her footsteps, but still didn't look at her even when she stopped.

"Come sit with me?"

He swiveled around. She was sitting on a generator on one side of the room. He hoped that wherever she was, she was actually sitting on something comfortable.

Rey, who sensed his hesitation, smiled and pat the space next to her. When he finally took the seat beside her, they didn't talk for a while. Rey closed her eyes as if she was basking in the sun, right beside him but also so far away.

More than anything, he wanted to take her hand and hold onto it. He wanted to tell her in words, not through the Force, how he felt about her. She still didn't know he loved her. When she visited him in his room, he had panicked and closed off that small truth about him, afraid of how she would react.

He knew exactly how she felt about him. She did care for him a lot, but it wasn't love, not yet, which is why he hid that from her in the first place. What would she say? What would she do?

"I wish you were actually here. It's so warm." Rey opened her eyes and gave him a content smile. Her face was beautiful and glowing.

"Me, too. Space is cold," he replied. She smile grew wider in a grin and she looked down shyly. He found it so endearing he wanted to take her into his arms and hold her forever. But he couldn't find the strength or courage. So, instead he placed his hand on top of hers. "Where are you?"

This time, she understood his intentions and answered, "Somewhere amazing. There is so much life, water... and sunlight." She raised her other hand in the air, most likely feeling the temperature that was so unlike the one on the star destroyer.

"I wish I was there..." he said quietly. "With you." She looked at him, then at his hand on hers. With some hesitation, she flipped her hand upside down so that their palms were touching. Then she interlocked their fingers together.

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

Ben kept his eyes on their hands. She said nothing else; she didn't have to. Sitting with her was more than enough to calm him and make him feel at peace, at least until he needed to continue performing his duties as Supreme Leader. Rey sensed what he was thinking. She fidgeted, perhaps guessing that he wanted to leave, but Ben kept his hold on her hand.

"Let's stay like this, Rey," he murmured. "At least for a while."

She looked slightly disappointed that he couldn't confide in her, but she didn't say anything and instead nodded. She looked ahead of her at scenery that he couldn't see. He only saw the cold steel walls of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

"Prin―General, we have some news for you down in the Millennium Falcon," C-3PO's nervous voice addressed a woman.

Leia, who was sitting alone overlooking the ocean, noticed him and nodded. She stood with difficulty and followed the droid back to the ship. She looked back at the vast waters of the balmy planet Aroon before continuing her way, keeping a tight hold on her cane.

The small group of rebels were coming into their fourth month of camping on this beautiful beach. Food and water was plentiful, the scenery wonderful, but as much as Leia would have liked to think of this as a vacation, it was completely the opposite. Her friends, this young band of freedom fighters, were getting restless. They became more and more on the edge, and she grew more and more tired with each passing day.

She found herself panting when she reached the Falcon. Before entering it, C-3PO glanced back at her. He, along with the others, noticed how exhausted she had become ever since attack on the cruiser. Lucky droid didn't look any different from the day she first saw him. When exactly that was, she didn't remember, but she was sure of it.

"Leia," Poe greeted as she walked into the resting area. There, her friends were either sitting on the couch sleeping or looking at the communications console. Seeing her enter, they stood at attention. She waved her hand, motioning for them to sit down; there was no need for formalities at this point. She caught eyes with Rey, who gave her a smile. She smiled back and looked at Poe. He sat in the chair in front of the console and pointed to a small screen. On it, messages were coming through.

"Someone answered our call," he said. "In the Outer Rim."

"Where?"

"Kuna Thif. You know it?"

Leia nodded and sighed. "Of all the places to have allies, it had to be there."

"What's wrong with it?" Finn asked.

"Dangerous planet, dangerous people," Leia replied. "And the weather is terrible. Who answered?"

"Someone named Tarlo..." Poe squinted at the screen. Leia read the message.

"Yeah," she chuckled. "I know her. This looks like something she would write."

"So we're going?" Poe asked. Leia could tell he was ready to get off this planet.

"Wait a sec," Rose cut in. "You know each other, but why did it take her four months to send us a message? That's suspicious."

"I agree," Finn said, and the others nodded.

"Well," Leia thought for a bit. "The only way she would join is if there was something in it for her. Guess she found what that something is."

"So we're going?" Poe repeated, about to jump out of his seat.

"Like I said, it'll be dangerous."

"C'mon, what's the Resistance for if there's no danger?" Poe turned to everyone. "We can do it!" The group cheered, raising their fists and clapping.

"Alright," Leia said, feeling a smile grow on her face. "We leave tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Poe laughed incredulously. "Why not just leave now? Leia―"

"Poe," she said firmly. "Don't argue with me on this." Poe closed his mouth apologetically.

"You're right. What's another day?"

"Excellent," Leia looked at her friends. "I'll see you all in the morning."

She left to go to the cockpit. She saw Chewie wailing as he exited, trying to get away from a flock of porgs. He gave her a look and growled gently. She pat his arm and went in. A rush of memories came back to crush her heart. All of the adventures she had when she was young with Han and Luke... They were gone.

And now probably her son, her only living family, was gone, too. It was too much to take. She looked up to see Han's dice. She took them into her hands, holding them reverently.

"Leia?" Rey's voice called. The older woman turned around and smiled. The girl looked concerned. "Are you alright?"

"Come have a seat."

Rey did and looked at her. "Is everything okay? We're all very worried about you." Leia laughed.

"I know, but you don't need to be worried, I'm just tired. My time here," she looked out the cockpit and gazed at the beach. "Is almost over."

"Please don't say that," Rey put a hand over hers. "We need you." She looked down and murmured, "Ben needs you."

"You call him Ben?" Leia asked, surprised. Perhaps she had learned her son's real name when she was with Luke. She was even more surprised when Rey blushed. "Rey, did something happen?"

"Oh! No, it's not―" Rey stumbled. "I just―uh, we were―" she sighed. "I've―I've seen him.

"What, here?" Leia tilted her head. If her own son was here, she was sure she would have sensed it.

"No, not like that..." She looked embarrassed. "I've seen him through the Force."

"You have?" Leia asked, impressed. She didn't know a lot about the Force's capabilities, but Rey must have been very powerful.

"Yes, he..." Rey looked away again. "Yes."

"Hm," Leia hummed, slightly amused at how Rey was acting, but she didn't want to ask anymore questions, didn't want to push her and make her uncomfortable. "Why don't you go check if Poe needs your help with preparations?"

Rey couldn't hide the relief in her eyes. "Sure, I'll do that." She got up from her seat, but just as she reached the doorway, she turned her head towards her. "I hope you know... we all love you." Leia smiled and nodded at her. Rey left quickly, leaving the general alone once more to think.

Her son and this girl had communicated through the Force at least once, it seemed... What did this mean?

* * * * * *

The bridge stood to attention as Kylo Ren entered.

"Supreme Leader, we have more reports coming in on the Resistance," a quaking officer announced.

"Yes?" Ren said blandly, as if his thoughts were somewhere else, which they probably were. Armitage Hux zoned out; he had already heard the reports earlier. They were planning an expedition to the planet Kuna Thif.

The redhead eyed the new Supreme Leader with the usual distaste, and, starting a little over four months ago, suspicion. As Snoke said before he died, the boy had always been weak, and it had become increasingly noticeable ever since he brought that scavenger girl to Star Killer Base. Even killing his own father couldn't snuff out the light in him. He didn't pull the trigger on his mother, and now...

The longer Hux thought about it, the more sure he was that Kylo Ren killed Supreme Leader Snoke. The general had been greatly terrified of Snoke, but he respected him nonetheless. Now he was replaced by a child with a bad temper. He had no idea how to rule.

Suddenly, Kylo Ren looked at him. The officer continued speaking, not noticing the two men leering at each other. Ren's brow furrowed. Then his eyes narrowed.

"He knows," Hux thought. "He's using his powers to sense what I'm feeling. No matter." He sneered and Kylo Ren turned his attention back to the officer.

As soon as the details of the journey to Kuna Thif were given, Kylo Ren spun around to leave, probably back to his chambers to be alone. Hux followed him out.

"Supreme Leader, might I have a word?”

The black-haired man couldn’t hide his annoyance as the general approached him in the hall.

“What?” he said flatly.

“I, along with others,” Hux began, smirking. “Have noticed you’ve been _spaced out_ lately―forgive the pun.” Ren rolled his eyes. “The First Order couldn’t possibly function well without a well-functioning leader.”

“You think I take this position lightly?” Ren fumed. Hux’s smirk grew a grin and he stepped forward.

“I think your greatest weakness is your inability to control your emotions.”

“And your greatest weakness is your inability to stay out of people’s business.” Ren’s hand rested on his lightsaber. Hux glanced at it.

“So you agree, then,” he continued. “You have a problem.”

“I don’t.”

“We’ll see about that,” Hux said coolly. “Go ahead and tell me that you didn’t act irrationally on Crait, allowing the rebels to leave, whether it was on purpose or not.” Kylo Ren’s eye twitched, his body trembling in anger. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice? At least give me some credit,” Hux spat. “I’ve noticed a lot of things about you. I may not have been Snoke’s pet when he was alive, but I listened and I learned. You had no idea what you were doing four months ago, and you have no idea what you’re doing now. The First Order doesn’t need a boy―”

“We’re the same age―”

“―to rule the galaxy.” Hux stepped even closer and said quietly. “I also know your little secrets. About the night Snoke died.” Kylo Ren couldn’t hide his shock. “And the girl.” That almost drove him over the edge. “Ah, I think I hit a sensitive spot there. When we finally catch the rebels, I’ll make sure to meet her in person. She’ll be the first one to be execu―” Hux found himself flying across the hall, almost slamming into an officer.

“General!” the officer exclaimed, but with the Supreme Leader there, the poor man was afraid to take any action. The back of Hux’s head throbbed in pain, but he kept the smile on his face. Kylo Ren gritted his teeth, hands clenching and unclenching. He reached under his cape for his lightsaber, then decided against it, stomping away. Hux rubbed the back of his head, ignoring the officer next to him. “No matter,” he thought.

Because Hux had a plan. Now, he was only waiting for the right moment to strike.

* * * * * *

Rey went into her tent, and this time, she didn't freeze like she did before. She smiled and put down her staff and lightsaber. Ben watched her, lying on his back. He swallowed nervously when she took off her boots so she could lie next to him on her cot.

"What time is it where you are?" she asked. She felt too anxious to look straight at him, so she lay on her back as well.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. He hadn't felt like checking the time. "You?"

"It's night."

"You're in my bed."

"And you're in mine." She glanced at him, grinning.

Ben's face relaxed almost into a smile before settling back into a frown.

"Ben, is everything alright?" she asked. When he didn't answer, she continued to stare up at the thick tree branches above her, holding the tent up. Perhaps he didn't want to talk to her at the moment.

She immediately remembered her awkward conversation with Leia. She felt a little relieved that Ben's mother knew they had seen each other through the Force; she didn't want to lie, but she also couldn't say the whole truth. Whatever this was now between her and Ben, she couldn't share that with anyone. Maybe there would come a day.

Ben still hadn't said anything. Rey closed her eyes. She'd get some sleep, that's what she'd do.

She didn't see Ben watching her, turning his head, both of them still lying on their backs. His eyes traced the outline of her profile. Her brow was slightly wrinkled. Was she angry with him?

"Rey?" he called her name softly. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He turned his body onto his side so that he was fully facing her. "Where are you?"

"I'm right here."

"No," he shook his head. He hesitated for a bit before saying, "It's not enough."

Rey swallowed. His eyes, the electrifying intensity that he always had whenever he looked at her, were almost too much to bear. She trusted him.

"We are on a planet called Aroon," she said. She finally lay on her side, too. Their faces were inches apart. "On the edge of the Outer Rim."

"I wish I was with you," he said, he looked down at her hand but again, was afraid to take it. "Though it's impossible."

Rey's heart sank. "Well, we're leaving tomorrow, anyway," she said.

"To where?"

"Kuna Thif,” she anwered. She felt his body tense up.

"I was afraid you would say that."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"The First Order is going there," he replied. "Don't go."

Rey, shocked, whispered, "How did they find out?"

"They've been tracking the messages you sent out since Crait."

"Then I'll need to tell Leia," Rey said hurriedly, sitting up. Ben took hold of her arm.

"How will you explain it, how you got the information?" he asked.

She looked him in the eyes and said slowly, "She knows." He knew what she meant.

"Everything?"

"Only that we communicate through the Force."

"So," his grip on her slackened. "She doesn't know about... us." Rey raised her eyebrows.

"Us?" she repeated. "What is 'us' exactly?" She shook her head. "Ben, I don't think there is an 'us.'" Ben sat up, too.

"Why?"

"Don't you know?" Rey almost screamed at him, her heart now throbbing in pain.

"No," came the answer. She shook her head and stood, walking out of the tent. He called her name, but she didn't look back. She couldn't care any less if by the time she got back to her tent, he'd be gone.

At least that's what she told herself.

 

When she delivered the news to Leia (thankfully the women were alone so no questions arose), Rey did end up coming back to an empty tent. She figured the Force would have ended their interaction, but she couldn't help but let her shoulders slouch in disappointment.

Then she straightened up. What did she need him for, anyway? Clearly he didn’t need her. He wouldn’t even talk to her about his problems. She took off her boots again and thought glumly, “All I want to do is comfort him.” Her face felt warm. She was still surprised at herself at how much she cared about him.

Then a pair of hands turned her around.

"Ben! I―I―" she stuttered, realizing it was him, for she would have punched him. "I thought you left..."

"So did I," he said quietly. "Rey, don't run away from me. Please." His intense eyes were begging her

"Listen," Rey began, bowing her head. "If there's going to be an 'us,' there's gotta be communication. I know things are difficult to talk about, but you can't expect me to always stick around if you―"

She didn't get to finish because Ben brought a hand behind her neck and kissed her hard, the other hand on her back. She grabbed his arms to steady herself, and then to push him away gently. They looked at each other for a moment. Ben's face showed everything, showed that he was worried he just did the wrong thing, showed that he loved her...

Rey smiled, brought a hand at the nape of his neck, and pulled him down to kiss him again. They kissed over and over again, so softly Ben thought his heart might break. They didn't know much about kissing; neither had kissed anyone before, besides each other, and that's what made it special.

Ben moaned in her mouth when she tangled her fingers in his hair and felt his face grow hotter than it already was out of embarrassment. He felt her lips smile. He pulled away for a moment, eyes still closed, to say, "I love you," before kissing her some more.

She said nothing, instead bringing her arm around his neck. The fact that she didn't respond bothered him a little bit, but that was fine. For now, holding her in his arms was more than enough.

Rey didn't have the strength in her to say it back, and she was sorry. She kissed the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, his jaw, and pressed her lips against his neck and hugged him, nearly knocking him backwards. He stumbled, but recovered and held her tightly.

For the rest of the night they sat in her bed (or his bed) and held hands, kissed, talked, kissed some more. Ben badly wanted that moment to last forever, but after a while Rey rested her head against his shoulder and yawned. Who knew how late it was on Aroon? He guided her head onto a pillow, and, seeing her still clutching his hand, decided to lie next to her like earlier.

"Ben," Rey said sleepily. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

"I don't know," he whispered, pushing stray hairs from her face. At least he was honest. She pulled him towards her, arms wrapping around his torso.

"Just stay here," she muttered into his chest.

Ben felt a smile grow on his face. "I'll try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do love my angst! I wanted to show how this new relationship is between Ben and Rey. I know with couples, especially on the girl's part, it can be frustrating when there's not enough communication. Of course, Ben doesn't want to talk about the trouble he is having with Hux, because he doesn't want to burden her with that information because he loves her so much (ಥ_ʖಥ)  
> Also, I've noticed that I only use italics when there's a scene with Hux looool I do love my mans General Hugs sassy  
> Thank you so much for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want say thank you so, so much to the people who have commented on this story! Your comments really made my day and have inspired me to keep writing!  
> And second, I apologize for the wait! College keeps ya busy... D:  
> Please enjoy!!! <3

Finn, hoisting his bag over his shoulder, took one last look at the beautiful planet Aroon before entering the Millennium Falcon. It had been a relaxing four months, but now it was time to get back into the fight. The only fight, as Maz Kanata once said. Rose grinned at him as he walked in, which he returned, but his attention was quickly diverted when he saw Rey sitting alone. She looked troubled.

Two days ago, all of a sudden she yelled, "Wait!" to nobody. Now she seemed distracted all the time, as if constantly looking around for something.

He took a seat next to her and placed a hand on her arm. "Hey."

"Hey," she returned. "Are you ready to leave?"

"Absolutely, though I wonder why we're not going to Kuna Thif like we planned?"

Rey lowered her head, eyes on the ground. "Leia thinks the First Order listened in on our messages. She and Tarlo were able to communicate more securely and plan to rendezvous on another planet."

Finn hummed as he processed this new information. He then took her hand in his. "Hey... are you sure you're okay? I'm worried about you." He tilted his head so she could see him. "Y'know, you never told me what happened on Snoke's ship. _Did_ something happen?"  
She looked like she was searching for the right words to say, but came up with nothing.

"Rey?"

"I'm sorry," she said, and she did look apologetic. "I―I can't tell you, at least not now. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," he assured her, squeezing her hand. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you." She smiled her thanks. Their heads turned as they saw Leia enter the room. The others in the ship stopped their chatting as well.

"Before we leave," she said as she leaned heavily on her cane. "I want you all to know that I am so grateful you have stuck around. It hasn't been easy, I know." She sighed, as if trying to release all of her anguish in one breath. "So many losses, so many of our friends have dedicated their lives to this rebellion. Today, we will make more friends, and we will continue to dedicate our lives to restore hope to the galaxy. I know each one of you, and I know your strong spirit. Let's make that spirit known."

The group voiced their approval and cheered. Leia smiled and tiredly took a seat while Poe stood and told them their plan once they arrived at the new planet, the Besstoff System.

"I'd better go assist my co-pilot," Rey tried to say cheerily. Finn watched her as she left, his shoulders sinking. There was something bothering her, he could tell.

"Good morning," Rose said brightly, settling down next to him, almost startling him.

"Hi," Finn greeted his girlfriend. They had started dating about a month after Crait, when she had fully recovered and confessed her feelings for him. He'd never had a girlfriend before, but being with Rose made him happy.

"What's the matter?" she asked, seeing his face, which was _not_ happy.

"Ah, it's nothin'," he sighed, looking in the direction of the cockpit. "It's just Rey... I'm worried about her." He didn't see Rose’s smile falter.

"She'll be okay," she promised him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "You ready to rebuild the Resistance?"

"Yeah," he said nodding distractedly. "I'm ready."

 

The cockpit of the Millennium Falcon was silent except for the hum of the hyperdrive. Chewie gently growled and Rey looked at him in shock at his sudden question.

"You heard?" she asked. "When I was talking to Leia?" He growled again and Rey turned her gaze to the glass, watching the blue light fly in every direction. "I suppose my conversations with Ben on Ahch-to were loud enough for anyone to hear, weren't they? I'm sorry I didn't tell you." He barked softly, patting her shoulder in comfort and she smiled.

"So you want to know how he's doing?" She paused and then continued, "I feel like there's something he isn't telling me, like..." She shook her head and squinted her eyes, thinking. "Like he's in trouble or something. In trouble with what, though, I haven't figured that out yet."

Chewie made another comment and Rey blushed.

"I mean, yeah," she muttered. Her fingers twitched, wanting to find something, anything to fiddle with so she could distract herself. "We've gotten close."

A noise came out of the wookie's mouth that sounded like a gentle laugh and he turned his concentration back on the ship. Rey was grateful for the end of the conversation. She felt guilty for not telling the whole truth, to him, Leia, or Finn. More than anything, she just wanted to let the whole galaxy know that she and Ben were... something. To say that she loved him still felt too soon, but they were “together.” For now, she was satisfied with that term.

She looked up to see a pair of dice, the reflecting light winking at her. They must have belonged to Han.

She sighed and slumped in her seat. She wished was Ben was with her. He hadn't been there when she woke up that morning, and although she knew it wasn't his fault, she still felt empty inside. She just needed someone to hold and to hold onto her.

 

* * * * * 

Ben walked onto the bridge to see Hux already there, pacing anxiously back and forth like a hungry nexu.

"Supreme Leader," the man greeted stiffly. "So nice of you to arrive." Ben approached the wide window, looking out at space.

"Prepare the jump to lightspeed," he commanded.

"Yes, sir," an officer said and he pushed a lever. In just a few seconds, the Star Destroyer had arrived in the orbit of Kuna Thif, a deep green planet.

"Sending scouts down now," Hux said, signaling to a stormtrooper captain.

"No," Ben said quickly. The captain stopped, much to Hux's annoyance. "We'll... We'll go down," he walked past Hux. "I know they're down there. Let's finish this. Bring a squad down."

He and Hux rode down to Kuna Thif in a Command Shuttle. As the ship descended, Ben found himself sweating nervously; his fists clenched and unclenched.

His main goal now was just to waste the First Order's time. He still didn't support the Resistance, no, but he was doing this for Rey and his mother. He hoped they were somewhere safe. Who knew when would be the next time he saw them?

They landed in a jungle environment, the wings of the shuttle nearly getting tangled in vines and it was raining hard. Ben exited, taking in his surroundings; his hair was already dripping with water. Behind him, a squadron of stormtroopers stood at attention.

"Supreme Leader," the captain of the squad ran up to him. "The signal is just up ahead, about 100 meters away." Ben followed the soldier, Hux close behind with the squadron. They kept walking until they found a campsite. It was a wide, muddy clearing, with one or two abandoned tents and cooking supplies. It was―

"Deserted," Hux noticed angrily, scanning the area. "Where is everyone?"

"Our scanners detect no life forms, General. Only this," the captain reported, water pelting his helmet. He held out a small, glowing homing beacon. "And the fires have been out for a while. We suspect the campers left a day ago at the least, though it is hard to tell with all of the rain."

"This doesn't make any sense," Hux said to no one in particular, walking into the clearing. "They explicitly said in the message they were waiting here for the rebels."

Ben continued to stand in his spot, relieved they'd gotten away in time. He tried not to let it show on his face.

"Your orders, Supreme Leader?" the captain inquired.

"Continue searching," Ben said. "They may have left their campsite, but it's possible they're still nearby."

"Yes, sir. Squadron G-357! With me!" The captain gathered his men and women and they headed west of the campsite.

Hux swiveled around and yelled, "Wait!" He looked at Ben.

"They knew we were coming," the general spat. "How could they have known?" Ben didn't answer and Hux's eyes narrowed. He walked towards him as the captain stood with his squad in confusion. "Also," he stalked closer towards him. "Why did you bring only one squadron down? If the Resistance was here, we would have needed more than one troop of soldiers."

Ben kept his face stoic, then Hux sneered.

"Well, this just works out perfectly, doesn't it?" Hux pointed a finger at him. "Squadron G-357, arrest the Supreme Leader!" The stormtroopers gripped their blasters, but hesitated. "What are you waiting for?!"

"You dare to suspect me?" Ben gritted his teeth.

"I've suspected you for a while now," Hux said. "Now, arrest him!" The soldiers obeyed this time, marching forward. Hux stood to the side, but before Ben could kill him, he was quickly preoccupied by a storm of blasters shooting in his direction. He ignited his lightsaber, deflecting some, using the Force to stop others. He was completely surrounded.

Ben took them down one by own, running out of breath. Fighting a squad of stormtroopers and an annoying redhead was not what he had planned for this day. He needed to get out of here. He cut down one soldier who got too close, and though the others kept their distance, they continued their rapid fire, Hux shouting and pointing at him.

Finally, Ben used his power to send some of the squad flying back, giving him room. Then he ran. He abandoned his rain-soaked cape and booked it for the shuttle.

"STOP HIM!" he heard Hux scream. Ben ran up the ramp and roared at the two pilots to get out. They scrambled off the ship and he started the engines and turned the shields on. Out the window, he saw the troopers advancing, and in the distance, Hux. He followed them in the back, the look on his face screamed bloody murder. 

Then Rey appeared, standing next to him. She smiled and was about to go to him until she saw his face. He was sure on it was panic.

"What's wrong?" she demanded. "Where are you?"

"Kuna Thif," he answered. He sat down and took hold of the controls. The shuttle lifted off of the ground, shuttering as blaster shots glanced off of the shields. Then he soared into the air and to the planet's orbit. He felt Rey watching, too stunned and afraid to speak.

He launched the ship into lightspeed, then finally collapsed into the pilot's chair, breathing heavily. He looked up at Rey. She looked scared.

"It's okay," he panted. "It's okay."

"Ben, tell me what's going on."

"They found out it was me who tipped off the Resistance," he said. "I had to get away." Rey said nothing, instead taking a seat in the chair next to his.

"You left the First Order," she said in quiet amazement, then she looked at him. "Ben―"

"I know what you're going to say," he sighed in despair, turning away from her. "I can't do it."

"Yes, you can," she insisted. "Why do you keep thinking you can't come back? Is it because of Luke or your parents?" He flinched at the mention of his family. "Is it me? Am I holding you back?"

"No, no," Ben assured her, looking at her. He reached out and took her hand. "Don't put any blame on yourself."

"Then, why?"

"I don't belong with the First Order... or the Resistance. I don't belong anywhere."

"Yes, you do," she told him, squeezing his hand. "Everyone belongs somewhere."

"I can't," he said weakly. She stood up and walked around the cabin of the shuttle. She stopped, folded her arms then unfolded them.

"So you must go?"

"Yes."

"Then... at least tell me where."

"I don't know," he admitted. He stood from his chair and walked to her. He slowly placed his hands on both sides of her face. "I love you, Rey."

"This sounds a lot like 'good-bye,'" she trembled.

He didn't answer. She looked pained for a moment before she leaned forward on her toes, kissing him softly. It was too quick; it left Ben wanting more, but he did nothing.

They looked at each other for a moment, and as they felt the connection break, he felt his eyes sting.

Sniffing, he sat in the copilot's chair and pulled a lever, letting the ship exit lightspeed and cruise smoothly through space. Before him now a large planet floated in this almost unknown corner of space. It was one he'd seen from the inside of a Star Destroyer, but had never actually been on it.

Ben leaning back in the chair, mentally listing his options. There was one that was glaring at him in the face: hide. He'd never hidden from anyone or anything, it wasn't like him. Then again, he thought he'd never run away from his enemies, but here he was. He needed time to think, to figure out what he was supposed to do. He needed a place of sanctuary. He'd be even farther away from Rey, but she was never far from him, was she?

Making up his mind, he directed the shuttle towards Jakku.

 

* * * * * 

Ben disappeared, leaving Rey alone in the Millennium Falcon. She sighed, closed her eyes, and felt her head drop. He had fled the First Order, he was in trouble and he wouldn't let her help him. She felt her eyes water and squeezed them tightly shut. She was not going to cry today.

"Rey?"

She jumped and turned around. Finn was standing at the entrance of the ship.

"Finn!" she exclaimed. Her whole body felt cold. His expression was unreadable. "How long have you―"

"Who were you talking to?"


End file.
